Opening NIght
A poem to start with:
Time flows fast, months are passing thoughts, lost in the stained gelatin I've left behind. Firming it up is costly, if even possible. Finding that particular ingredient may take time.
I have time, just not as much as i used to. Time to think, time to miss what i used to be, time to live...
I got lucky and pissed on death's spindly phlanges. I wasn't ready for him so i told him to "Fuck Off!" Pretty impressive for someone who didn't give a shit. What now?
Eat the pills and find one that makes the idleness interesting? Better than cocaine... is it? No.
Who knows what will eventually kill me.
I'd bet good money it's nothing related to drugs or drug use. I'll bet it's some bore like prostate cancer. Jesus... I hope they have good drugs for that.
OxyContin is in the cupboard. I should eat it. I should inject it. No needles.... I don't like needles. Guess i'll just eat it.
Googled blog for noone to read... interesting concept, but not really. A diary on my desktop.
think, type, sit.
A personal add:
RockStar party kid seeks self. Me: tall, fat, hairy, bored and alive. You: tall, trim, boyish attitude, afraid of nothing, dying slowly and having fun doing it. Let's meet 10 years from now like we did 10 years ago and compare notes.
Fuck.
There is something i am missing. i need excitement that is inexpensive, non-sexual in nature, and non-narcotic.
I'm an addict without an addiction. Scary shit!! Revelation right there. I need some fucking therapy, fast!
I've done this before, recognize the problem, that is. You know what i'm talking about. I am smarter than they are but they do tend to help sort through things.
What the fuck have i been missing for 31 goddamn years? THIS IS NOT FUCKING FAIR! I've chosen to play by the rules and i need something in return. SOME GODDAMN THING!
I'll just wait here.
The return of heartburn is nice. Thanks for that. Oh... and yeah... the "fungal growth" is a gift as well. Thanks a million. Wow... look at all the fucking things i have to be thrilled about!
Fuck it.
I really like the house. I want to break every TV we own before we move into it.
Maybe a tv in the guest bedroom. Some discussion time in the living room would be nice.
Books, papers, and thoughts. i like it. I'll have to bring that up with B. Why should there be a TV downstairs?
Although i wouldn't mind having one in the kitchen. I get lonely in the kitchen. i love to cook though. But i get lonely.
What if we ate dinner at the table every night?
i'd like to institute a meal planning plan. I think B should cook, or buy, or call out for dinner at least four times a month. I need a break and he should give me that break. I deserve it. 8% of the meals if my shitty math is right. I tip waiters triple that just to bring me food. Yes, i deserve that.
Gotta stop drinking so much. Gonna get esophagal cancer like Ann Richards. But boy would i like to smoke a ciggarette right now! More pills please. I've got some wellbutrin left over. Uppers on top of the oxycontin is probably not the best choice but those wbutrins are such a wimpy shit of a pill. aargghh. I am pathetic.
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
that was me falling asleep with my finger on the keyboard... well, on the 'E' key to be precise. Guess the OC's are kicking in. Sleep on the couch or climb into bed with B? Anyone?
Time flows fast, months are passing thoughts, lost in the stained gelatin I've left behind. Firming it up is costly, if even possible. Finding that particular ingredient may take time.
I have time, just not as much as i used to. Time to think, time to miss what i used to be, time to live...
I got lucky and pissed on death's spindly phlanges. I wasn't ready for him so i told him to "Fuck Off!" Pretty impressive for someone who didn't give a shit. What now?
Eat the pills and find one that makes the idleness interesting? Better than cocaine... is it? No.
Who knows what will eventually kill me.
I'd bet good money it's nothing related to drugs or drug use. I'll bet it's some bore like prostate cancer. Jesus... I hope they have good drugs for that.
OxyContin is in the cupboard. I should eat it. I should inject it. No needles.... I don't like needles. Guess i'll just eat it.
Googled blog for noone to read... interesting concept, but not really. A diary on my desktop.
think, type, sit.
A personal add:
RockStar party kid seeks self. Me: tall, fat, hairy, bored and alive. You: tall, trim, boyish attitude, afraid of nothing, dying slowly and having fun doing it. Let's meet 10 years from now like we did 10 years ago and compare notes.
Fuck.
There is something i am missing. i need excitement that is inexpensive, non-sexual in nature, and non-narcotic.
I'm an addict without an addiction. Scary shit!! Revelation right there. I need some fucking therapy, fast!
I've done this before, recognize the problem, that is. You know what i'm talking about. I am smarter than they are but they do tend to help sort through things.
What the fuck have i been missing for 31 goddamn years? THIS IS NOT FUCKING FAIR! I've chosen to play by the rules and i need something in return. SOME GODDAMN THING!
I'll just wait here.
The return of heartburn is nice. Thanks for that. Oh... and yeah... the "fungal growth" is a gift as well. Thanks a million. Wow... look at all the fucking things i have to be thrilled about!
Fuck it.
I really like the house. I want to break every TV we own before we move into it.
Maybe a tv in the guest bedroom. Some discussion time in the living room would be nice.
Books, papers, and thoughts. i like it. I'll have to bring that up with B. Why should there be a TV downstairs?
Although i wouldn't mind having one in the kitchen. I get lonely in the kitchen. i love to cook though. But i get lonely.
What if we ate dinner at the table every night?
i'd like to institute a meal planning plan. I think B should cook, or buy, or call out for dinner at least four times a month. I need a break and he should give me that break. I deserve it. 8% of the meals if my shitty math is right. I tip waiters triple that just to bring me food. Yes, i deserve that.
Gotta stop drinking so much. Gonna get esophagal cancer like Ann Richards. But boy would i like to smoke a ciggarette right now! More pills please. I've got some wellbutrin left over. Uppers on top of the oxycontin is probably not the best choice but those wbutrins are such a wimpy shit of a pill. aargghh. I am pathetic.
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
that was me falling asleep with my finger on the keyboard... well, on the 'E' key to be precise. Guess the OC's are kicking in. Sleep on the couch or climb into bed with B? Anyone?
posted by ilightyouup at 10:25 PM
1 Comments:
Climb into bed with B, stop worrying about everything so much (like that means anything coming from me) and enjoy your funk.
Or, you could just watch "Fight Club". Better yet, you should get the book and read it.
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