Cold Water Trout
Driving North on Rt. 30
Through Southwestern Vermont
The artisian and wood crafts shops
Cause me to slow down to under 40 MPH.
I look curiously at the relics of my history,
The reality of the people who created my country
Hits me like a stack of maple syrup covered buttermilks.
Smothered in creamy unsalted butter.
Around a bend, like one hundred others, low on the lakeside
Appears an odd grouping of tattered huts, off kilter
Out of place, removed from service, perhaps?
They are the shacks of a brave breed,
Hauled ashore for the off-season.
Spring arrived in Vermont
On March 24th.
And was spoiled by a poet in a Nissan.
jb
Through Southwestern Vermont
The artisian and wood crafts shops
Cause me to slow down to under 40 MPH.
I look curiously at the relics of my history,
The reality of the people who created my country
Hits me like a stack of maple syrup covered buttermilks.
Smothered in creamy unsalted butter.
Around a bend, like one hundred others, low on the lakeside
Appears an odd grouping of tattered huts, off kilter
Out of place, removed from service, perhaps?
They are the shacks of a brave breed,
Hauled ashore for the off-season.
Spring arrived in Vermont
On March 24th.
And was spoiled by a poet in a Nissan.
jb
posted by ilightyouup at 8:32 PM
1 Comments:
This is, so far, the best thing you've written. Your language is precise and concrete, but still speaks to the magic...
Try and avoid using adverbs where possible; it drags down the flow.
For instance, if I may offer a suggestion for revision (because I love this one):
Title it "Driving North, Rt. 30" and let the title be the first line
My critique follows...
Driving North, Rt.30
Through Southwest Vermont
Artisian and wood craft shops
Slow me to 40
Then I can see
Curious relics of my history
The reality of those who created
My country
Hits me like a stack of maple covered buttermilks (very nice line, BTW)
Smothered (need a different word)
in unsalted butter
An odd grouping of tattered huts
Off-kilter, out of place
appears around a bend
like a hundred others
Low on the lake side
The shacks of a brave breed
Hauled ashore for off-season
Spring arrived in Vermont on March 24
Spoiled by a poet in a Nissan
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