True Love or (How I Got Here)

Amazing how much I miss him
When I go away like this.
I sit and think and miss
Him.

I love like I never thought
I would. Love like an adult,
Like my mother? Four times.
Love.

Each one better than the last.
Each one more real. I feel
Lucky that our kind of marriage was
Banned.

I quiver when I think about it.
Hers got worse and mine just
Got better. I am virtually
Married.

And it is good.

jb

Dad?

There it is again, my father's scent
Spreads over my senses and then again
Like a warning or a plea to stop or start
Or perhaps a congratulations
On my choices

It's been almost a week, since i smelled
Him near me and looked up sharply
Wondering again, why, what, when?
Or maybe i just smell like he does
I am his son.

jb

Growing Up Is Hard To Do

Moving is one of the most stressful things,
Someone said.

I’d heard this before, read it in a magazine.
Do other people still read magazines?

Someone said they’d had a crazy week.
I said I’ve had a crazy life.

Do I repeat myself now often?
They’d heard that before, from me.

Time to take to the streets,
Check out that long dormant endurance .

I pedal my bicycle like a twelve year old
On a scavenger hunt with the neighbor’s kids.

My legs begin to cramp from the effort.
I don’t have a ten speed, like the others.

I know that I am losing but I pedal harder
Because I also know that I can win.

If I try hard enough,
If I apply myself.

Someone told me once that I didn’t do that.
I said to him,

You try to apply me and see if I stick.

My lover and me discuss McD

”I see Him as the Lone Prophet,”
These are words I agree with.
“He is the elder, the old soul
That we admire… that we are drawn to.”

His is a singular soul,
One that we fear,
He is the Leader, the Teacher,
That we fear to accept.

“His emotion is too pure,”
According to others,
Too rich in reality,
Too hard to discuss.

Your knowledge superceeds
Your presence,
How odd to be worshiped
By an unknown.

JB & BF

An Ode to Dorianne Laux

SUBTITLED: Hope in our Hyundai

Brandon and I had just bought our home.
Shining, gleeful, ready to take on the world,
While we should have been loving all that was right,
We had spent the day assessing all that was wrong,
Nonetheless, we cleaned the kitchen, my sanctuary,
As we spoke of the garden, the indoor plants, and the green wall,
His retreats from the daily deeds.
We were in tune to each other and it was
Real.

When we left the house to return to our outdated,
Our hated, once loved and longed for loft,
We had no choice but to refuel,
Before the thirty mile trip.

Exxon signs are hard to miss. Less than a mile from
Our new home the red and white beacon promoting
America’s finest gasoline appeared as if Karma herself
Had been looking out for us. I noted the price of a gallon
Of Regular along with the sign reading
“Full Serve.”
The price was right and Brandon said to me, in a way I’ll never forget,

“I’m going to be spoiled.”

It was that moment when I knew that the world was still mine
To hold and to keep, to give and to love, to be there, for him,
And to be there for me. This is the man I want next to me.
This is the man I need to be near.

As he always has been.

I know now that we can do this.
We can, and will, handle all that we must. All that we have
Is so much tethered to one another, and so open to the future.

We have the wishes of the world. And I don’t know who to thank
For that.

jb

Weak

Darkness hides the flaws
Of the house we purchased
Less than three days ago.

Fear, terror, responsibility
Like I have never known
Flood my world, my space.

I like it here at night.
Liquor has soothed
The anxiety of the week.

The cloak will fade,
As it does, every morning
To reveal the truth.

I am terrified, and responsible
For real things, right now
And for thirty years to come.

I am proud of myself.
I have reached a goal.
The biggest goal ever, so far…

But I still need my crutches.
I wish I was stronger
Weakness is omnipresent.

jb